Emergency Self-Soothing

Emergency Self-Soothing: Getting from minute to minute when it is all too much

This blog was inspired by my colleague Brooke’s wise words in her blog “10 steps to finding Wellness in the time of Covid-19”.  She outlines what we are facing, and some beautiful ways to cultivate our resilience in the face of difficulties.

Sometimes we can’t wait for our garden to grow – what do we do when just getting to the next minute feels overwhelming? When taking a deep breath feels like the beginning of a panic attack? When we feel like our head might explode, the walls are closing in, like we might jump out of our skin?

First please let me tell you, if you are feeling this way you are not alone, even while you may be isolated. So many of the patients I’m seeing have developed so many skills and tools to cope with life in an as healthy as possible manner, and sometimes these tools are not enough.  We have to find some emergency self-soothing techniques as well to get through this trying time.

Sometimes healing is like this. It can be gross, ugly, scary. Healing can hurt. We may want to turn our heads, retreat into old coping patterns that we aren’t proud of – numbing ourselves to get through the day. If you see yourself here, please hold yourself with love and compassion. I can bet that you are doing your best.

Some of our more “healthy” coping mechanisms just aren’t enough for right now. This can feel frustrating, or like we are failing ourselves. Please know that isn’t true. None of us have been through a pandemic before. For some of us, this moment has pulled back a curtain on some very painful truths about our society and ourselves that we would rather not see. Some of us are seeing our very humanity being debated in the news and in comments section on social media.  We can’t be with our loved ones, and the balms of life have been stripped from us. We are scared of getting sick, of getting someone else sick, of dying and of loss. Some of us have lost loved ones and haven’t been able to join together to grieve. Some of us have had to cancel milestone events like weddings, birthdays, graduations or have virtual versions.  So many of us are facing financial uncertainty and instability. This is all so hard.

I don’t know exactly what will work for you. But here are some of things I do that help me so I want to share with you. Maybe they will work for you, or maybe they will inspire your own creativity as you invent new balms to your spirit. Please know that I cycle through these on a daily and sometimes hourly basis. I hope they can bring some comfort to you as well.

Okay is good enough.

Am I safe right this second? Do I have enough to eat? Do I have a place to sleep tonight? If my answer is yes to these three questions then I am okay. And okay is good enough. My life and our world may not be what I want it to be but right this very second I am okay, and I’ll take it.

I look for the good omens, and ignore the bad.

The truth is, in the moment we don’t know if something is actually “good” or “bad”, but some of us like to try and read the signs so we can brace for what is coming next. I decided that every time I see a clock and the time reads 1:11, 2:22, 3:33 etc, that it is reassurance that we will be alright. I see this time and say to myself, and try to genuinely feel, that I am alright, that WE will be alright and will be okay, and that is enough.

I remind myself that I did not see a pandemic coming, so why do I think my worried brain is so smart when it predicts all kinds of calamities coming. 

So I relieve myself of the burden of seeing the future when obviously I am terrible at it anyways.

Limbic breathing, but reversed.

It is wise advice to take a deep breath when we are stressed, but for some of us it just doesn’t work. It can trigger anxiety, or pull us into our bodies too fast when sometimes our body doesn’t feel like a safe place to be. I have found that starting with a long slow exhale, and then letting the inhale take care of itself, can allow me to do deep breathing without triggering anxiety. It looks like this:

• Breath out slowly and gently for 12 counts (don’t worry if you can’t make it to 12, just long and slow)

• Let an inhale happen for about 6 counts

• Hold breath for 2 counts and then exhale again for 12 counts

• Repeat as needed. This can be very relaxing to the system, so much so that I don’t advise trying it while driving!

Tell someone you are feeling overwhelmed.

This can be anyone, a trusted friend, your acupuncturist, a family member, someone who you love who you may only be able to see in your imagination right now. Sometimes there is no one to tell, but you can still lie down with your palms up and just ask for help. It’s okay to admit you are overwhelmed and to ask for help. (there is one note about this. Be careful about laying too heavy of a load on people going through their own stuff, which is honestly everyone right now, but some of us more than others. When asking for help from friends it is okay to ask them if it is a good time for them to talk, if they have enough juice to give help. It’s also okay for you to tell friends asking that you just don’t have anything to give right now.)

Any time is a good time to learn how to relax our bodies, even in the face of  such extreme uncertainty.

Not sure where to start? LA County Department of Mental Health has made the Headspace app free to all residents of LA County.  They have made this resource and others available from their website: https://dmh.lacounty.gov/resources/

Shake and dance and move and shake and dance and move and shake and dance and move.

Let your heart break, as that is how our hearts break open. Sending you all love and comfort until we can all be together again.

- Holly Anderson, L.Ac.